Zombie Psychology is a funny flash fiction fantasy/horror story. The story is about a woman who must get rid of her ex-boyfriend who is now a zombie . . . before he eats her brain.
By Sarina Dorie
I’d been expecting my ex-boyfriend to show up sooner or later, and when he did, I knew he’d probably want to eat my brains.
When the moaning and thumping started, I ignored it, thinking it was my upstairs neighbor having sex with his girlfriend again. As the moaning grew louder and drowned out the sitcom I was only half watching, I realized the noise was coming from zombies.
I threw down my Psych 501 textbook and stumbled toward the drafty window, still wrapped in my leopard print Snuggie. I told myself I was ready for this moment. Still, it didn’t make my heart pound any less as I yanked open the blinds and peered out into the moonlit night.
Kevin stared at me from the other side of the windowpane. Dirt caked his face, his once-shaggy, hipster haircut matted to his head. The red of his lips stood out against his ashen face. They were either covered with blood or lipstick—you never could tell with Kevin. Now that he was living-impaired, I didn’t expect death to put a damper on his womanizing.
The dark suit he’d worn at his funeral last month was pretty much intact, and his skin hadn’t fallen off yet. I couldn’t say as much for his two friends standing on the lawn behind him. One was missing chunks of face and a autumn leaves were stuck to his sweater. The other had an eyeball dangling down his cheek, his jaw slack and exposing a rotting black tongue. I’d seen worse-looking zombies back home in Louisiana, but the sight still made the spicy chicken wings I’d made for dinner rise up in my throat.
I covered my nose and mouth with my Snuggie, trying to block out the stench of formaldehyde and decomposing flesh that seeped through the cracks of the closed window. My voice was muffled. “What is it this time?”
“Leticia baaaaby, you know I’d only rise from the grave if it was important,” Kevin said, his voice garbled in a slushy moan.